RPI: Bodacious Beet & Barley Burgers

The Lowdown:

Oh beets. All purple and stuff. I promised myself that I wouldn't make any corny beet jokes. However, in light of MCA, I will supply a flute loop beat to read this beet post to (song here). This post, is our fourth episode of RPI. By now, hopefully everyone knows what RPI is. If not, the RPI subheading can be found on the homepage. I must admit, the two of us were a little more... how do you say it. We made a boo-boo and forgot that this week was RPI so we skipped the battle-royale and chose beets. So ladies and gentlemen, put away your white bell bottom pants (or am I the only person that has a pair?), because this is about to get messy. Not cute messy either. You're kitchen will most likely resemble a scene from Stephen King's Carrie when you're done. So obviously exercise caution when handling these babies... and don't make me beat it into you.

Although the recipe says burgers, I lied. Oh did I ever. You're plans were foiled again! Muaha! Muahahahahaha! My evil plan is coming to fruition! They were in fact sliders! The evil minions of the burger world. The devious imps set out to take over burger joints all around the world (as lightning crashes in the background). And just when you though you were safe to go out at night, the slider strikes again! Now rise my little purple minions! Rise and take over the burger world once again!

I know they aren't stylish anymore, but I don't understand why you would want one larger burger (that is static), when you can have 3 versatile little bad-ass burgers. It's true, sliders are bad-ass - just doin' what they want... all the time. They may even be a sure shot way to please your dinner guests (song here).

If you have A.D.D taste buds you'll understand my love for sliders. When constructing a slider, I always feel like the ninja turtles and their whacky pizza creations. Really, if you make slider that is less bad-ass than it should be - it just isn't like, like bodacious and stuff - it doesn't matter. It literally is three bites and you're on to the next constructed masterpiece - that's like so tubular dudes. No need for the typical two all beef patties, special sauce, sesame seed bun (I can't remember the song, but you get the picture). No need for the usual suspects is what I was getting at. So put away the French's mustard and Heinz ketchup. They are sliders and they demand fun! They even fight for their right to party (song here).

All of the beats were provided by the Beastie Boys, so I hope you enjoy their beats while preparing your beets. Without further ado, ch-check, check it out!

The Playlist:

4 local Beets, shredded

1 cup Barley, over cooked

1 Egg

1/2 cup Fine bread crumbs**

1 small Red onion, finely chopped

3 cloves Garlic, minced

2 tsp Red mustard seed, ground

1 tsp Hungarian smoked paprika

1 tsp Coriander, ground

1 tbsp Apple cider vinegar

2 tbsp Olive oil

1/4 cup Parsley, finely chopped
3 Morita peppers, finely chopped (optional)*

Salt & Pepper, to taste

*I like the smoky taste of morita peppers, but you could replace them with any hot pepper if you'd like. Or don't add a hot pepper at all, you're an adult.

**If you'd like to avoid gluten then you can substitute this for chick pea flour.

The Skinny:

1. On medium heat, heat oil and cook onions and garlic until onions become translucent then add beets and cook for another 20 minutes (or until beets become soft).
2. Add apple cider vinegar to deglaze pan and cook for 2 minutes, then add remaining ingredients (except for the egg and bread crumbs). Mix until everything congeals then remove from heat. Once the mixture has cooled down, add the egg and bread crumbs and mix thoroughly.
3. Form into patties and bake for 25 minutes at 375*. Once baked broil them on high to get them charred (about 5 minutes).
4. The beet burgers go exceptionally well with fresh basil leaves, goat cheese, and sliced tart apples.
5. If you have left over beets, you can turn them into "fries." Simply put non-stick spray on a baking sheet and cook the beet fries on 425* for 30 minutes, then broil them to crisp them up. I put crushed anise seed (not star anise, but the seeds within the star) and kosher salt on mine and they taste wonderful. 

Featured in: Spain in Iowa, Food Renegade, Chef in Training, 33 Shades of Green, Premeditated Leftovers,  Lady Behind the Curtain
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Stay Rad - h