RPI: Bodacious Beet & Barley Burgers

The Lowdown:

Oh beets. All purple and stuff. I promised myself that I wouldn't make any corny beet jokes. However, in light of MCA, I will supply a flute loop beat to read this beet post to (song here). This post, is our fourth episode of RPI. By now, hopefully everyone knows what RPI is. If not, the RPI subheading can be found on the homepage. I must admit, the two of us were a little more... how do you say it. We made a boo-boo and forgot that this week was RPI so we skipped the battle-royale and chose beets. So ladies and gentlemen, put away your white bell bottom pants (or am I the only person that has a pair?), because this is about to get messy. Not cute messy either. You're kitchen will most likely resemble a scene from Stephen King's Carrie when you're done. So obviously exercise caution when handling these babies... and don't make me beat it into you.

Although the recipe says burgers, I lied. Oh did I ever. You're plans were foiled again! Muaha! Muahahahahaha! My evil plan is coming to fruition! They were in fact sliders! The evil minions of the burger world. The devious imps set out to take over burger joints all around the world (as lightning crashes in the background). And just when you though you were safe to go out at night, the slider strikes again! Now rise my little purple minions! Rise and take over the burger world once again!

I know they aren't stylish anymore, but I don't understand why you would want one larger burger (that is static), when you can have 3 versatile little bad-ass burgers. It's true, sliders are bad-ass - just doin' what they want... all the time. They may even be a sure shot way to please your dinner guests (song here).

If you have A.D.D taste buds you'll understand my love for sliders. When constructing a slider, I always feel like the ninja turtles and their whacky pizza creations. Really, if you make slider that is less bad-ass than it should be - it just isn't like, like bodacious and stuff - it doesn't matter. It literally is three bites and you're on to the next constructed masterpiece - that's like so tubular dudes. No need for the typical two all beef patties, special sauce, sesame seed bun (I can't remember the song, but you get the picture). No need for the usual suspects is what I was getting at. So put away the French's mustard and Heinz ketchup. They are sliders and they demand fun! They even fight for their right to party (song here).

All of the beats were provided by the Beastie Boys, so I hope you enjoy their beats while preparing your beets. Without further ado, ch-check, check it out!

The Playlist:

4 local Beets, shredded

1 cup Barley, over cooked

1 Egg

1/2 cup Fine bread crumbs**

1 small Red onion, finely chopped

3 cloves Garlic, minced

2 tsp Red mustard seed, ground

1 tsp Hungarian smoked paprika

1 tsp Coriander, ground

1 tbsp Apple cider vinegar

2 tbsp Olive oil

1/4 cup Parsley, finely chopped
3 Morita peppers, finely chopped (optional)*

Salt & Pepper, to taste

*I like the smoky taste of morita peppers, but you could replace them with any hot pepper if you'd like. Or don't add a hot pepper at all, you're an adult.

**If you'd like to avoid gluten then you can substitute this for chick pea flour.

The Skinny:

1. On medium heat, heat oil and cook onions and garlic until onions become translucent then add beets and cook for another 20 minutes (or until beets become soft).
2. Add apple cider vinegar to deglaze pan and cook for 2 minutes, then add remaining ingredients (except for the egg and bread crumbs). Mix until everything congeals then remove from heat. Once the mixture has cooled down, add the egg and bread crumbs and mix thoroughly.
3. Form into patties and bake for 25 minutes at 375*. Once baked broil them on high to get them charred (about 5 minutes).
4. The beet burgers go exceptionally well with fresh basil leaves, goat cheese, and sliced tart apples.
5. If you have left over beets, you can turn them into "fries." Simply put non-stick spray on a baking sheet and cook the beet fries on 425* for 30 minutes, then broil them to crisp them up. I put crushed anise seed (not star anise, but the seeds within the star) and kosher salt on mine and they taste wonderful. 

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Amee's Savory Dish

Stay Rad - h

Citrus-Habanero Hot Sauce

The Lowdown:

I just returned from a lovely trip with my family from the Dominican Republic. It was great; however, the trip lacked one thing (other than a direct flight home without a million hours of lay overs), and that was food with a kick to it. I often forget that when I don't cook for myself, I don't get what I want. I'm a very craving-based person. I guess you could say that I'm the male version of a pregnant lady. I want what I want, and I want it now. What I want now, is some freakin' spicy food. Not spicy like, "I put this shit on everything." Spicy like, "I just shit on everything." I want sweat to form under my eyes. If any of you are into spicy food, you know that when your eyes sweat it's the real deal. I understand that the scoville scale describes heat levels in a scientific manner, however the under eye sweats (UES) were around way before anyone fathomed that scale. The scale is below for those of you who'd like to readjust the spiciness of the hot sauce.

cookthink.com (2012)

I suppose my cravings for spicy food started with my father. Bless his heart. It's nice going into any variety of ethnic restaurants and saying, "bring it bitches, I got what it takes." When I was a child, my father prepared several meals loosely based on dishes from one of Chef Paul Prudhomme's cookbooks. Of course, I complained about the heat back then, like any child that was good at annoying the hell out of their parents would. That is, until the timer was put on. Oh yes, the timer. It was my arch nemesis for many a year. The rule was simple: finish what you served yourself. If you didn't, the consequence was simple: a timer was set to finish your food, and if you didn't do it in the allotted time your food was doubled. I'm sure they did this out of pure torture so they could laugh about it in future years. But, it worked. Oh did it ever work. To be honest, it may be one the sole reason that I'm much more adventurous with my food now. I digressed. The point was that I was exposed to UES from a very young age, and I'm now at the point where I need a good UES every so often.

One point to make! Cut the onions before you handle your peppers! I've had habanero in my eye before and it is about the same pain as getting your balls run over by Optimus Prime. If you'd feel safer, or are particularly injury prone please wear gloves and don't wear contacts. Shit, if you still have your chemistry safety goggles I suggest you wear those. Habaneros are nasty little things and you'll regret your life if you screw up.

 

This all started when I looked at the ingredients on the back of one of my hot sauces. There was literally six ingredients, two of which were words that clearly weren't natural. Instead, they were man-made crap. Well six ingredients soon turned into 13 to add some flavour, so that when this is all said and done, it should be about 25,000 - 50,000 scovilles. So here begins another culinary escapade.Without further ado, I'm going to make a UES worthy citrus - habanero - total - destruction - mouth - numbing - ass - burning - under - eye - sweating hot sauce. Take that timer, who's the bitch now?! Apparently revenge is best served... HOT!

The Playlist:

13 Habanero peppers, stems removed

6 Morita peppers (slightly smoked red jalapenos)**

1 Orange, zested and juiced

1 large Carrot, chopped

1 medium Red onion, chopped

3 cloves Garlic, chopped
2 tsp Salt

1 tbsp Spanish paprika (for colouring)**

1 1/4 cup Lime juice

1 cup Apple cider vinegar (unfermented)*

3/4 cup Champagne berry vinegar*

1/2 cup Canola/Vegetable oil

1 cup Water

* I chose to use these for their distinct flavours, but you can substitute for white vinegar.

** Optional ingredients. I chose the morita peppers to add a distinct smoky flavour and the paprika is solely to add a nice red colouring without adding any flavour.

The Skinny:

1. Add all ingredients into a sauce pan except for the oil, paprika, orange juice, and habanero peppers. Cover with a tight fitting lid and bring to a boil. Lower the heat to medium-low and allow to simmer for 30 minutes.
2. Remove from heat and allow enough time to cool.
3. If you desire a liquid hot sauce like Frank's, then strain the liquid into a blender and add the whole habanero peppers, orange juice, oil, and paprika. Blend for 2-3 minutes until mixture is smooth with no chunks.
   
   If you desire a less spicy, but more flavourful hot sauce combined the contents of the pot with the remaining ingredients and blend all together. This will create a more viscous hot sauce. As previously stated, it is substantially less spicy, but more flavourful.
4. Put into glass jars and refrigerate. The sauce will become spicier over time, so be patient if it isn't quite up to snuff.

 Stay rad - h

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